That brings me to now. I started doing the 30 Day Shred again (it’s what I have people!) on August 30. So with the couple of days I took off, I’m on day 7. I never excercise on Sunday because it doesn’t work out with getting everyone ready for church. Since I’ve started I see no difference in myself. I don’t think I look different. I don’t feel different. I’m not sure if my weight is different since I don’t have a scale. At least it isn’t hurting this time and I’m going to keep going. I know a week isn’t really a good time to take a look at changes, but I was really hoping to see some! I’m trying even harder to eat better. I’ve added more protein and less other stuff, but I’m not going to drastically change my diet, because I am nursing Kyler and let’s face it I feel like I’ starving all the time. I don’t eat all the time, but I am hungry all the time.

I’m curious how other nursing moms deal with losing the weight and being healthy and not feeling like you’re starving. With Kameron I’m not sure I really did much of anything, but somehow I lost quite a bit quickly. I never got the body I wanted (I’m sure I won’t ever again since I want my high school body), but it was much easier to lose some than this time. In the spirit of honesty, I lost about 10 pounds by my 2 week postpartum checkup and I’ve only lost about 4 more in the 4 months since then. I’ve got about 25 to go before I am my perfect adult weight.

Right now, all of this (excercise and diet and trying to keep up with everything) feels like torture. I know it isn’t anywhere near it, but I want it to end! I’m hungry and tired of being overweight and I do stil feel petty blah (nauseous, but not really). This makes me grumpy and mean – just ask my children, they’re ready for mama to be happy again!

*I know that I’ve said this several times, but Taylor is my screamer. She screams for no reason and has a very big attitude. I thought she was starting to get a little better, but lately I think she has gotten worse. This morning at church she spent the whole first half of the service talking and kicking the pew in front of us and bugging Kristopher and flipping loudly through a hymnal. I was already frustrated with all of that, so when it came time for the kids to go to e-worship and she refused, I was done. I took her out and told her that she had to go to e-worship so that I could listen to the sermon and that if she didn’t she would be in trouble. She eventually (after arguing with me) chose to go to e-worship and then screamed when we got there. I left her screaming with a couple of my friends and I felt so terrible that they were having to deal with it. I walked back to the sanctuary, but could still hear her screaming, and I’m sure everyone else could too, so I walked back. My friend stopped me before she saw me and they did end up calming her down. I sat in a doorway and cried and prayed because I just don’t have any idea what to do and I feel so alone. I go to church alone with the kids every week and that is hard. I refuse to quit going though and they will go with me. I want my children to know Jesus. I want them to learn and go where God leads them. I want them to have good examples. I’m just tired of doing all of it on my own. If anyone has suggestions on how to get Taylor to stop screaming and being rude to people I would gladly take them. :)

February so far has included:

Overflowing toilets (technically the end of January, but it counts)
Truck trouble
Car trouble
Me running into a light pole with th car and messing up the door we just fixed
over a foot of snow and terribly cold temps
Children not listening
Me being pregnant, tired and feeling miserable
Vomiting – I hate that!
One function that would have made me a little happier being postponed
Feeling unloved and alone
Toilet not working today and I have no idea how to make it work

So, sorry to complain, but I just can’t be happy all the time. Isn’t the saying, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Well, it’s pretty true here right now and I am not feeling the happy…could use a little extra love.

Alright, I’m done – hope any readers I have are not feeling the February blues and that you have a blessed day!

If we had $5000 we could be out of debt (other than the mortgage), we could get all new tires for the vehicles and make a downpayment on a van. Now, I’m just trying to figure out where to come up with that!

I’ve pretty much decided that this year Christmas is going to be even smaller for our family. I know the past couple of years I’ve talked about how I’m so tired of all the junk that is useless and how I don’t like wasting money on it, when I know that people aren’t going to care about it in a few weeks. Our kids will still get gifts and hopefully I’ll have time to make some things for extended family members, but I’m just not buying into the commercialism this year and I’m not wasting the money that we need on “stuff.” Yes, I love my family, but I don’t thinking buying things for them at Christmas shows that, and I’m not sure that I’m very good at showing it ever, but I know that’s not the way and it doesn’t make up for anything and I’m just tired or feeling stressed out about it from October to February. The past couple of years when I’ve said these things, I’ve always caved when the days get closer and bought stuff so I wouldn’t feel guilty and I may end up feeling guilty this year, but I don’t want to add to our debt and hurt my family more because of it.

With all that crazy stuff said, I believe Christmas is about giving and I do love to give. Jesus told us that if we have something to share it with those in need and I will make sure I do that. Unfortunately, I feel like we’re in need some of the time and I get angry at myself when I feel that way, because we really have so much more than so many. Yes, our life is hard financially, and yes, we struggle almsot everyday, but we have a home and clothing and heat and food. Some people don’t have any of that and when I think of that I really dislike all the giving of expensive stuff back and forth. I love expensive stuff, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what really matters. As we head into the next few months of holidays I’m going to try to remember that and I’m going to try to keep to my plan. Children first, people in need second and hopefully some handmade gifts for my extended family. If you see me going crazy in a store, please remind me to keep it simple and keep to my plan.

Thank you for reading and sorry if I sound a little crazy this morning! Have a great day!

For any of you out there that think I must not make mistakes and that everything I make is cute (I really doubt that there are any of you, but just in case) this post is for you!

I have been wanting to make a cute little layered tulle skirt ever since I saw one of our cousin’s daughter wearing one at her first birthday party. i am pretty sure it was from ribbon chix* and it was the most adorable thing ever. I had some tulle leftover from the tutus I was making so I decided to try tonight. Let me just tell you this: I HATE WORKING WITH TULLE! The tutus that I tie are fine enough, but trying to lay it out and sew it – fugghetaboutit.

Problems I have with my version:

1. You can see through it. That’s 6 layers of tulle and still you can see what’s underneath. Not going to work for what I wanted.
2. The waistband looks like yuck.
3. It is near impossible to see what you’re sewing with that many layers of tulle and be able to tell what tier they go to. I messed up and didn’t realize it until I had cut off the extra.
4. It’s just not the one I saw and what I want.

So, in my opinion, if you make these cute skirts you are awesome and whatever you charge is totally worth it. I guess if I want one for Taylor bad enough I’ll have to break down and buy one. We’ll see. She’s almost too old for a cutesy birthday party outfit isn’t she?

* If you are on facebook, look up ribbon chix and check out their profile pictures. They have a lot of different tulle skirts, but there is a purple one that has a shirt with it that says big sis. That is similar to the one Bella had. So cute!

2. Being called a “big meanie” by my almost 5 year old daughter and not caring that she just called me that.

3. How my children’s stomachs always have room for dessert. Where, on earth, did they get the idea that we should have dessert at every meal everyday? I sure haven’t given them that so I’m a little confused.

4. No matter how much I clean each day the house looks like a wreck. Seriously, how does anyone keep up with 9 rooms and 3 children and a husband?

5. How everyone else in our town has huge amounts of tomatoes, but we only get one or two a day. Hilarious! And there is nothing I like better than a good ripe tomato in the summer. I could live on them…if they would just grow and ripen. I think I’ll plant twice as many next year.

Anything funny to you today?

I feel like I have learned a lot about myself in the past few years and figured out what sort of relationships work for me. First, having my husband to talk to and do things with is wonderful. Having that male companionship is important to balance out any drama coming from my female friends (even though the males can have their fair share of drama too.) Second, I have a best friend who I can share everything with. Drama is non-existent between us, I think, and she is someone I can share anything with and I don’t have to worry about what she’s going to think of me or if she’s going to tell someone or whatever. If everyone in the world had a spouse and a best friend like this I feel like we’d have less depression and emotional problems. I think you also have to have a strong faith and relationship with Jesus. Without that it’s hard to keep the right perspective and easy to get caught up in the drama that may not be noticeable if you are in the Word and praying.

I understand that sometimes the drama unfolds unplanned and I’m not saying I am immune to it (in fact I’ve struggled with it this week, but I just keep praying for God to love that person through me so that it won’t be as hard), but having those key relationships (Jesus, spouse & best girlfriend) helps you to keep the right perspective and get over whatever it is before the drama escalates. How was that for a run on sentence? Ha!

Not sure why I felt compeled to share this – but it was on my heart tonight even more than it has been the past few days. I guess maybe part of it is that I see so many women out there who don’t have any of these 3 relationships and it makes me so sad. Maybe if those friendships were there (REAL friendships) then so much drama and ridiculousness wouldn’t exist.

So anyway, just my opinion – have a great weekend celebrating your freedom! I think we may end up staying home for a quiet few days of reflection and family fun. It’s better (not to mention safer) that way sometimes!

So, I was driving home from Paducah tonight and I ended up behind a van that had a tv going in the backseat. I really think that tv in your car is not only not safe, but also not a good idea for other reasons. It’s too isolating. When my family gets in the car we talk, we joke, we sing, we have fun – spending time together. I mean really, do people not watch enough tv at home that they have to get one in their car too?

Which brings me to my next “thing.” I don’t understand why people think they need to watch tv. Seriously, the tv channels don’t do anything beneficial that I know of. Sure there are some “good” things on, but if you weren’t watching the tv what could you be doing? Getting things accomplished? Spending QUALITY time with your loved ones? Spending time out among people spreading God’s word? Praying or studying? We don’t have television channels here. Yes, we do have a tv and we have movies and games and we enjoy them. But this way we have control over what comes in and we don’t sit in front of it all day being vegetables. I’ve seen far too many people who can’t be in a room without the tv on and it gives me such a headache. Most of what I’ve seen when I am around tv lately is not even worth having on and I’m so glad that it doesn’t come into my home. Even the news is not news. It’s bad news. The point of it is to drag you down and make you conform to the world.

Romans 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

So, I challenge, nay, I dare you – turn off the tv for a week or two or a month or forever. See what happens to you and how you spend your time.

(and don’t just turn off the tv and turn on the computer! Don’t even get me started on youtube and all the other ways to just sit and be a vegetable with this thing!!)

I know some would say get over it and send your kids to daycare and get a job, but that is not what I believe. Our God put us on the earth as mothers to have the children and take care of our children and teach them. I fully believe that that along with taking care of my husband and our home is my highest calling. I do not consider myself old-fashioned because I believe this nor do I look down on anyone who doesn’t stay home. I do believe that’s where I’m supposed to be though and no one is going to convince me otherwise.

Anyway, just a bunch of tired stressed out rambling, I suppose. I’d just like to have the answers and know that I am contributing something.

I just received a phone call from an organization trying to raise money to send 800 children with cancer and their entire family on a “last” vacation. This is 800 of the 120,000 children who will be diagnosed with cancer this year; 40,000 of those will not survive the year. Now, I feel terrible for the families and for the children having to endure these battles. I pray for them and I hope for a cure or at the very least salvation and comfort from Jesus while they go through this. But, I think that raising money to send them on vacation is slightly ridiculous. First of all, I doubt very seriously that that is the first thing on any of their minds and while a fun vacation might press things to the back for a minute – IT’S STILL HAPPENING! Second, why aren’t these people raising money for something that might actually help the kids or their parents with what’s going on in real life? Thirdly, we don’t even have money to take our own kids on a vacation (they’ve NEVER been on one) and some weeks we struggle with getting our bills paid. If I was going to try to find some money to do anything regarding a vacation I would first try to take my own family on one – however small it might end up – because NO ONE’s life is certain. God might bless some of these families with the children battling cancer and they could live. Someone in my own family might die tomorrow and they’ve never gotten to do anything like what this organization is asking 5 person families on a low income to try to accomplish. I do make donations to things I believe in and I pray and I help with as much in my community as I can give my time to, but I will not help with something that I feel is not necessary.

I just think if you are going to have an organization that claims to be for helping people that you find some way to actually help them. Sending 800 of 120,000 on a fancy vacation so they can forget about what’s going on for a week seems really silly. If I were in the situation and someone offered me money to help find a cure or money to help pay my child’s bills or someway that my child could stay at home while having treatments done, I would feel blessed and thankful – being offered a vacation (or a chance to win one or whatever they’re doing) would seem like a painful jab.

Thoughts?